Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Things I have learned about the opposite sex...

In my 27 years, I feel like I am almost a veteran in understanding the workings of the male mind. For one thing, I have started "studying" them since I first found out that boys and girls are different - so this was from the age of 10. So, I have had 17 years of studying boys - that is way longer than any doctorate degree out there.

In these 17 years, I have had boyfriends, male acquaintances, good friends, and have also met men that I absolutely loathed. I have discovered different things from them during the different stages of my life, each discovery more amusing than the next. Listed below are these "discoveries" I have made during the years. To my male friends and readers: please feel free to comment if you agree or disagree. Please bear in mind that these are based on my personal experiences.

Discoveries I made in my childhood years (grade school):

1. Boys get smelly after playing - probably because during this time, their parents have not introduced them to deodorant or similar.
2. Boys tease girls constantly especially if they like her - very immature, but it is their way of coping with very foreign feelings.
3. They either tease or get absolutely shy - this was the case with my first boyfriend :)
4. The word "gentleman" doesn't exist - a particular incident reminds me of this when I refused to let my classmate copy my exam paper and in retaliation, he stuffed rocks in my bag :p
5. Boys just tease girls PERIOD - it doesn't matter if they like you or not, they're just mean that way.
6. Boys are cute when they try to be - enough said.
7. Boys are gross - you figure this out :)
8. They find farting a funny pasttime.

Discoveries I made in my adolescent years (high school):

1. Boys are arrogant pricks - unfortunately, a lot of guys in my high school were arrogant pricks.
2. Boys have started thinking about sex. All common sense has gone out of the window - it's pathetic when they start trying to bed every single female in sight :p
3. Boys think that girls are impressed by cars and the like - unfortunately, some girls are :(
4. Boys STILL tease girls they like :)
5. Come to think about it, boys just like teasing girls PERIOD.
6. Most boys at this stage find it impossible to have friendships with girls - I'm one of the lucky ones to have met guy friends whom I am still close to this day:)
7. Boys are less smelly at this stage because they are so conscious of their looks, unless they really have a very bad case of BO... ick!
8. They find farting a funny pasttime.

Discoveries I made in my adult years (university to present):

1. Boys will always have sex in the brain :p
2. Boys will do anything to get sex.
3. Boys STILL tease girls they like.
4. At this stage, I have to say that boys are just damn immature because they just like teasing girls all the friggin' time PERIOD.
5. Boys are all the same regardless of age. They're priorities are still the same - eating, sleeping, drinking, farting, sex. I personally think most of them haven't past the Oral stage of development according to Freud :)
6. Boys can never think with both heads, one often leading the other :p
7. Boys mean what they say. There's no such thing as tact or lying with boys. They are so easy to read! If you're female and you can't catch them at it, you're not looking hard enough. I can smell a liar a mile away - note: I have had tons of experience on this so it might not be the case for you :)
8. They find farting a funny pasttime.

All of these things listed here, no matter how sexist or mean it may seem, are the same reasons why I have a lot of male friends. I understand and accept them for the mess and interesting creatures that they are. I don't judge them or sermon them, I just accept them. Boys are not hard to understand. They are very simple (I don't mean stupid) creatures. They are simple in a sense that they are usually very upfront about how they feel about a person. There isn't any of the niceties involved. Unfortunately, there are a lot of girls who don't like certain guys because of this particular trait. Girls insist on the niceties, the icing on top of the cake, the bullshit. This is how men become the pigs that some of them are known as.

Here's a little secret for girls looking for the perfect man: THERE IS NO SUCH THING! Everything is learnt behaviour. You want to ensure that your man won't cheat on you? Encourage him to go out with his mates a lot, even to the strip clubs. This shows that you trust them and at the same time they know that if they do cheat, you wouldn't have any qualms of chucking them out. You want to ensure that your man will continue to respect you and won't treat you like a kitchen rug? Constantly challenge him. Don't be afraid to question his decisions and feel free to express your opinions on issues if you do not agree with him. Have an intellectual argument with him. This will show that just because you're an item, it wouldn't mean that you will stop thinking for yourself. Independence is the key. They find it intriguing and sexy. Show a guy that you are helpless without them and they'll be running away faster than you can say "proposal". It's not fun for both parties if you're too clingy. Keep each other on one's toes. Keep the other guessing. Being predictable is the bane of every relationship. How many times have I heard of couples breaking up because the relationship got too boring, predictable, or comfortable?

Arnie says that there is never a dull moment when he's with me. I keep him on his toes. I make him guess all the time. I entertain him with jokes, anecdotes, and different things that interest me. My relationship with him has lasted for 5 years and we're getting married soon. Do you think I have earned my right to preach? Hahahahahaha!

Having said all of the above, I would be the first person to also admit that not all men are nice. There are some real "beauties" out there that I have had the misfortune of meeting, but that's for another post...


Kiko said...

After 5 paragraphs of complaining, finally, a phrase that made sense:

"They are simple in a sense that they are usually very upfront about how they feel about a person. There isn't any of the niceties involved. Unfortunately, there are a lot of girls who don't like certain guys because of this particular trait. Girls insist on the niceties, the icing on top of the cake, the bullshit."

having mentioned this, you'd better write something for your gal pals so that they become those type of girls (who don't insist on the bullshit).

Jennie said...

Did I really sound like I was complaining? Au contraire, I was admiring boys for the simple and uncomplicated creatures that they are. I am sure that this post will make some of my girlfriends question my feminist ways :)

Anonymous said...

you are just probably lucky to have your bf, the way you talk to other men sounds like youve taste every single man youve met..

Jennie said...

Wow, do I really give out that impression? That I have tasted every single man I have met? Hahahaha!

I find that I learn more from men if I'm just friends with them. They happen to be more honest that way. I find that having romantic relationships with men cloud my understanding of them.

And to clarify: I have only "tasted" two men in life, including my fiance :)

Anonymous said...

wooww!.. from your previous details re- every single Sex "position" like monkey style etc... how can you explain that you have only tasted 2men. is that mean that youve learnd that from your 2men in your life??

Jennie said...

Reading is very handy. No experience necessary. It broadens one's horizons too :)