Thursday, August 11, 2005

Tricky so-called "relationships"

Picture this:

Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Boy also likes girl but not enough to commit to a steady relationship. Girl agrees with boy that they can be "friends with benefits." Boy and girl sleep together, do everything together like normal couples do. Boy falls in love with another girl. Girl gets desperate and tries to keep boy from leaving her. Boy leaves anyway and has a relationship with the other girl. Girl is now angry at boy because she believes he cheated on her.

Now, does she have any ground to get angry at the guy?

The reason why I posted this is because I know a "couple" who went through this. The girl genuinely liked the guy, possibly even loved him to an extent. The boy really cared for her, just not in the way the girl wanted to. People say it's a rather complicated situation wherein of course, they would pinpoint the guy and say that he is at fault, he's a no-good womanizer, he's a user, etc, etc...

Personally, this is my take on this:

Yes, the guy is a user. He did use the girl for sex, as a stand-by girlfriend until someone better comes along. At the same time, the girl was at fault as well. It's not like the guy twisted her arm into getting into this so-called "relationship." She probably thought that by sleeping with the guy and being all intimate with him, he will learn to love her later on.

Now, here is the biggest mistake that every woman makes time and time again. Let me reiterate it: For men, love and sex are two completely different things! It's not hard to understand! There are women who think the same way but generally women, being the emotional and heartfelt creatures that we are, believe love and sex are part of a formula - without the other, it just won't work.

I'll be the first to admit that there are men out there who believe in love and sex going hand in hand, but it does not make them immune to the call of the flesh if needed. In the situation I have written above, this was surely the case.

I believe that there are people "built" for this kind of "relationship." Some aren't. I know I'm not, but I don't look at people any less if they are comfortable with it. I guess caution is the way to go with this because no matter how clear a person is with their intentions, we are only human and we are susceptible to succumbing to our feelings. After all, what human being does not want to love and be loved in return?


Kiko said...

About that story.. well, as long as both consented, no one is to blame.

Unfortunately, when women cry, no further questions asked. It's the guy's fault.

What if the guy wasn't after her ass and it just happened. Does that make him less guilty? Hell no.

"Love and sex are two different things" - yeah you go girl! =) This is what I'm hearing from a "try before you buy" person huh ^_o

~*galenlondeien*~ said...

I was reading the first few lines of your entry and I just felt that I'm familiar with this situation. I know a couple too. I would say that I agree with you here.

In the industry where I'm currently working, we have this term FuBu: fucking buddy. I've heard some stories about some people in some companies that they just engage in sexual intercourse just for fun or for the heck of it. People involved in this may either be attached (with GF/BF) or single. I, personally, know someone who's doing this and has admitted to me that she (yes) has fallen in love with the guy. The guy has broken up with his GF to be with her. I was asking her why she can't tell the guy what she really feels. She said she agreed to "just have sex" and telling him the truth that she loves him would be like "breaking the agreement". I don't agree with her. I just think she's afraid that the guy doesn't feel the same. Pity.

Jayce Cortez Jacinto said...

Sigh...Jennie. A lot of people fall into this trap. The quick fix. That all-too-convenient "partner" for those times when they want to be loved, but are not ready for all that love entails. Heck, I'm also prone to this. Thing is...there are people who are better equipped to handle situations like these...and there are other people who BELIEVE they're the same, but fall into despair once the "agreement" reaches its end. Did you get to watch that episode of Oprah where they featured a guy who worked for Sex and The City, who wrote a book called "He's Just Not That Into You"? It really answers a lot of questions. Some people...even men, actually...fall prey to preconceived notions of relationships when everything is in front of them...pure black and white. You're right. Nobody twisted this woman's arm for her to rush headlong into the "relationship". The rules of the contract were there, right in front of BIG, BOLD LETTERS. I'm not blaming her. The semblance of love and having the relationship could have been too powerful that it was just difficult to let go.

Cabbie said...

I've been used by so many women, and in the end they hurt my feelings. Just because I'm attractive to the opposite sex, dosen't mean they can use me like some wind up adult toy and thrown away when convient! BAH WOMEN!

Having a girlfriend is emotionally draining. Its always about SEX SEX SEX! Why can't those nympho maniacs realize that there are more things in a relationship then satisfying their carnial desires!!!

What about my feelings as a guy? What about communication?! Being together? Sharing each other companionship? You know the other things that goes with UNCONDITIONAL ROMANTIC LOVE!!!

I'm getting myself a pet. At least they listen when I talk to them.

(If you read this far and actually believe what I wrote, I feel sorry for you)

Jennie said...

Kiko: "Try before you buy" - you'll never let me live that down, will you? :p

Karen: Yeah, the FuBu thing has been made so amazingly glamorous and a must-have because of Sex and the City - have you seen that episode? Carrie fell into the trap of trying to have a relationship with the guy. How do you think that went?

Jayce: Yeah, I watched that particular episode of Oprah. Very good stuff indeed. I guess the great thing of having so many guy friends, all of whom consider me "one of the guys, is that I get a first hand view of what is it like for blokes. I do understand where they come from. how they think, what makes them tick, stuff like that. Being men does not make them any less of a human being. They are also prone to making mistakes, no matter how "all together" they appear to be.

Cabbie: Oh dear... you really need to lose some of that mojo man... women can't help themselves when they see you, dig? Hahahah!

Aurie said...

Hi Mistress,

Remember me? Im Aurie, the forum moderator of (soon to be - CABBIE! Its kamikaze not kamEkaze - you sound like a god darn yanki, check your spelling dammit). Just dropping by because cabbie recommended the blog to me. I have to say I really enjoyed your ramblings especially this one. Maybe we can have a "help the otaku in love" section when the forums goes up again.


Okay here is what I think about this FuBu. I'm pretty much old fashion in the matter, I'm like you Jen, i really dont think you should be playing around with a person you don't love for the simple reason that one way or the other that it complicates things later on. I know from seeing a lot of my friends mess up in this type of relationships.

They start pretty well with both sides knowing where the limits but for a reason or another something gives.

I'm sure its fun but jez, this kind of thing is a want not a need. I'm sure you wont die if you can't have sex regualrly.

The problem is a lot of us are programmed by corporate entities that no strings attached sex is "fun and cool." Look as shows like Friends, Sex in the city etc. These are shows were made to appeal to our desires because they make money if more people watch it.

In reality there is a risk in so many levels if you make love with another person (health, emotional, if you get pregnant financial) that these shows do not really tackle properly.

I am not saying we should all wear chastity belts but rather "realize" (not exactly "know." Because I'm sure a lot of people "know" the risk) that sex is a huge responsiblity and should not be taken lightly like a toy.

Remember, a lot (if not all) of problems is society is brought upon the improper and irresponsible use and desire for sex.