Okay, I'm taking a break from all my engagement party plans since I have sent out all the invitations. I just want to write something else. I want to warn you now that this is a bit personal and in your face. Well, the title of this entry should give you an idea.
I have visited my friend Jayce's blog today and have read about the "voices" in his head that have been bothering him for quite some time. I have then posted a comment about how his predicament reminded me of my situation way back, about a good five and a half years ago, when I was single and living alone in Melbourne. I was not fighting with an urge to jump any man to have sex with, I was actually looking for some really good company... if you get my drift.
I am one of the unfortunate ones, I'm afraid. Amidst all the worldliness, open-mindedness, and sometimes tactless approach I have towards sex, I am but an amateur. Prior to my relationship to my present boyfriend now soon-to-be-hubby, I have had, no other term to phrase it, shit sex. Absolutely shit sex!
I will not name names, even if I know that he is unaware I have a blog or that most of my readers, save a few, know about the person involved. It was back in university when I was still living in Manila. I dated him for three years. I admit that I loved the guy even if he was an arrogant, know-it-all, selfish jerk. Arrogant because he actually believed that no one else in the world would love me (blech!), a know-it-all because he believes he can help everybody and feels that he can impart such wisdom (blech!), and selfish because he, in no way, acknowledged my needs. He ripped me of my confidence, my self-esteem, my love for myself. He wanted me to leave my friends because, according to him, why would I still need my friends when I already have him? Good thing I did not agree with him here, and that resulted in one of our countless fights. Imagine being with someone for the first few months and you're already fighting constantly? What the hell kind of relationship is that?
I admit, I was insane, stupid and immature. Now that I look back, it was a horrible situation and I was lucky I got out when I did. Now, the schmuck is probably victimizing another unaware fool...
Okay, moving on...
To put it bluntly, the sex was B-A-D. I felt like a piece of meat being used for his own selfish reasons. Would you believe I only orgasmed once? Once! In a three year relationship! Only once! Dear God, what is wrong with me? Well actually, the question will be what's wrong with him???
The sad part is that he was the first guy I have ever slept with. The whole experience turned me off sex, but another part of me was yearning for something better.
Enter my fiance Arnie.
So, when does one know if sex is good? I don't believe it's all about the orgasm (it's actually a bonus especially in the case of women). It's a deep connection with another. It's love, it's care, it's joy. It's attending to the other's needs rather than your own.
I know that I may be crossing over the "making love" territory here but this is what works for me. Being able to perform all the different positions listed in the Kama Sutra is a bonus, of course. It does add a certain spice to the whole experience.
So, what works for you? When is sex good sex? Is it the whips, the chains, the chocolate syrup, the lingerie, the leather? Or is it the soft touch, the tender kiss, the inaudible sigh from your lover's lips? Share you thoughts.